The Man Mall: Only A Matter of Time

Boston, a random Saturday...
The metrosexuals are heading to Louis Boston for designer denim, bi-weekly manis/pedis, and indiscreet eyebrow waxes, but where are the "guys' guys" supposed to go when the significant others are out shopping at some frilly retail location that rugged, outdoorsy sorts of males wouldn't even be caught dead waiting outside of in their pickup trucks?

Luckily, the Kraft family (who, coincidentally, also owns the Patriots) is planning on giving "real men" a place to go during the off-season. According to boston.com, "several executives in the real estate and construction industries who have been briefed on the plans say the family is putting together an ambitious development on its 500 acres around Gillette Stadium that will exceed 1 million square feet. "

They even have the perfect man-bait name: Patriots Place.

And what would GUYS like to see at Patriots Place? A 16-screen cinema, of course, and lots of restaurants. Maybe even a Home Depot, because what manly day would be complete without a spin through the power tools aisle? The keystone of the plan, however, is Bass Pro Shops, an outdoor retailer known for its elaborate and gigantic megastores - the flagship Missouri store measures the length of seven football fields. (Think Jordan's furniture, but for the nature set.) The Bass Pro Shops website says it this way: "More than just a store – it's a place where your adventure begins."

BPS has everything a guy could want for a day's worth of amusement...AND free admission. "Bass Pro is both retailer and entertainer. No two stores are the same, but in general they include things like waterfalls, flowing streams, trout ponds, aquariums, live animals, and indoor shooting ranges. The demographic: men who usually hate to shop," says the Boston Globe.

As one of Bostonist's friends succinctly put it: "It’s the equivalent of Disneyworld for rugged mountain Marlboro men like ourselves."

No fishing trip jokes, please.

Photo courtesy of Flickr, user: joshuajamesgross