Taking a Stand Against MassPirg?

Living here in the Hub, we are faced with daily indignities, from the complications of an ill-administered public transportation system to the risk of completely random death in the most poorly planned and implemented public works project ever. But the struggle that unifies us more than any other must surely be that scourge of sidewalk strolling, the dreaded MassPirg canvassers. How heartless these innocent-looking youngsters are, accosting us in the midst of our important business and rudely appealing to our most base of sentiments - charity! Their importuning, to "take fifteen minutes to help the environment" is in truth no more than a lascivious invitation to cast aside the vital concerns of thrift and industry and fritter away life's short minutes on that most vulgar and socialistic of pursuits, collective action for the greater good.

Luckily, one bold citizen has seen fit to stand up to the creeping menace of vile beggary masquerading as public service, by selling anti-MassPirg t-shirts. Now, upright ladies and gentlemen may stride the streets of Greater Boston unmolested by MassPirg's army of blue-shirted urchins, for the anti-MassPirg message on this new garment is unmistakable: "I DO NOT HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES FOR THE ENVIRONMENT," it proclaims, letting all who lay eyes on it know that the wearer is a serious, involved person, a captain of her destiny, someone for whom fifteen minutes is inestimably more valuable than the fifteen dollars she paid for her anti-MassPirg shirt (plus three for shipping and handling).

Photo: A flier for NoMassPirg.com near Harvard Square. It reads, "masspirg too aggressive? buy the shirt to speak for you."