Weekly Film Agenda: You-know-whats On A You-know-what Edition

Who needs advance reviews when this Bostonist's got an excuse to wear her vintage stewardess uniform to the theater?

Thursday 8/17

Snakes On A Plane
Jon Stewart: What's the plot?
Samuel L. Jackson: Uhhh... Bad guy wants to bring down the plane...
Stewart: What's on the plane?
Jackson: Victims.
Stewart: No no no no.
Jackson: Reptiles?
Stewart: Yes!
Jackson: Poisonous reptiles!
Stewart: Yes!
Jackson: Snakes on a mother***ing plane!
Stewart: They wanted to make it Pacific Air 121.
Jackson: ...121. Yeah.
Stewart: I don't see that movie. You know who's in that movie? Meredith Baxter-Birney. I don't see that movie. But you know who's in Snakes On A Plane?
Jackson: Me!
Stewart: Samuel F***ing L. Jackson!
AMC Loews Boston Common (and other theaters)
10 pm & midnight; more showtimes Friday, including the drive-in—this is a movie for cheese fries
SoaP: web site | IMDB | Snakes On A Plane on an actual plane over Boston | trailer

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna (Never Say Goodbye)
Shahrukh Khan (Bostonist's favorite Bollywood dreamboat) sings and dances his way through New York City in a highly anticipated film about weathy Indians cuckolding their spouses.
Entertainment Cinemas Fresh Pond (168 Alewife Brook Parkway, Cambridge)
4 & 8 pm (Thursday, Monday-Wednesday), 1, 5 & 9 pm (Friday-Sunday), $10
KANK: web site | IMDB | Globe review | trailers

Saturday 8/19

Dirty Dancing
Frances "Baby" Houseman learns to dance while vacationing with her family at a resort in upstate New York. She's like the wind, if the wind carried a watermelon, financed an abortion, applied to Mt. Holyoke, slept with Patrick Swayze, and got put in the corner. Presented with comic insights from the D-Bags, MST3K-style.
Coolidge Corner Theatre
Midnight, $7.50
Dirty Dancing: IMDB | (I've Had) The Time Of My Life

Downtown 81 (New York Beat Movie)
Gummo
Jean Michel Basquiat wanders the streets and clubs of New York in search of friends, art, and rent, and Harmony Korine's lost boys putter around the tornado-ravaged wasteland of Xenia, Ohio, killing time and the occasional cat.
Harvard Film Archive
Downtown 81: web site | IMDB
7 pm (Saturday), 8:45 pm (Sunday)
Gummo: web site | IMDB | trailer
8:30 pm (Saturday), 7 pm (Sunday)

Monday 8/21

Lawrence of Arabia
T.E. Lawrence went to the Middle East a fey blond academic and came back home an ambivalent war hero. In between, there's sharp editing, brilliant dialogue, and some unbearably beautiful deserts.
Coolidge Corner Theatre
7 pm, $9
Lawrence of Arabia: IMDB | clip | trailer

Tuesday 8/22

A Ostra e o Vento (The Oyster and the Wind)
Sailors search a secluded island for a missing lighthouse keeper, and for the lighthouse keeper's daughter who's been carrying on an affair with a force of nature.
Boston Public Library, Rabb Lecture Hall (Copley Square)
6 pm, free
The Oyster and the Wind: IMDB | NY Times review

Thursday 8/24

This Film Is Not Yet Rated
Kirby Dick stalks the anonymous, unaccountable MPAA rating board, illustrates their biases against independent films and sex, and talks to Kevin Smith (whose Clerks was initially rated NC-17), Matt Stone (who animates potty-mouthed children), Lawrence Lessig (who wrote Free Culture), and John Waters (who filmed a drag queen eating dog poo).
Somerville Theatre
7:30 pm, $8
web site | IMDB | This Blog Is Not Yet Rated | trailer