The Spooky Governor's Debate

If you're running out of ideas for clever Halloween costumes, look no further than Wednesday night's gubernatorial debate. With a few well-chosen props, you too can endorse (or mock) the four larger-than-life personalities vying to be governor.

Kerry Healey: You need a suit and a blonde wig. Take that wig, and shellac the heck out of it – preferably outdoors – with some Aqua Net. If it won’t move in a stiff wind, you’re set. Blot out all traces of ethnicity with a layer of the palest face powder. Flour might work. Add pearls. Then work on your manners. Clench your butt tightly as you walk, and practice expressions of trumped-up outrage. Depending on how you feel about her, you can always add a broom. When you speak, imagine that you are a delusional CEO, and recite her immortal line from Wednesday: “I’m not aware that I’ve ever stated that I support anything.”

Christy Mihos: You can’t have a good Mihos unless you pair him with Kerry Healey. They’re like peanut butter and jelly. As Healey huffs and puffs, Mihos must look like he’s about to explode. The look is a breeze, though – glasses, suit, a vat of self-tanner. Then rehearse Wednesday’s dialogue about how little power Lieutenant Governor Healey has with whichever of your friends is playing her:
Mihos: “Why don’t you file that bill?”
Healey: (huff, puff)
Mihos: “Can you file that bill?”
Healey: “I support it!”
Mihos: “The answer is NO!”

Deval Patrick: If you’re a wicked rich lawyer, then you probably dress like Deval Patrick all the time. If you don’t happen to have a designer suit lying around, at least get the best you can find. Sprinkle your hair with a little flour to give yourself the right distinguished look. Then alternate your expressions from the relaxed look of a winner to someone who is trying way too hard to look interested while listening to Grace Ross. For extra points, you can have someone follow you while playing the music of Sun Ra and the Arkestra from a stereo.

Grace Ross: If you realized you can’t do a good Deval because you don’t have the dough, then take the budget route and dress like Grace Ross. Find your grandmother’s housedress, a flowy, flowery scarf, and dangling earrings. Top it all off with a mullet wig and Walgreens glasses. Get used to saying sensible things while people dismiss you just because you have a real job. And Happy Halloween, candidates!

Screengrab from NECN of three out of four possible Halloween costume options.