The Break-up in a Web 2.0 World

Web 2.0 has been established as a way of life for many users of the vast network of tubes internets. From social networking sites, wikis, to tools of collaborative authoring, the web has become a different beast than it once was. Perhaps a better web than it once was. Personal relationships in that thing called "real life" or unwired relationships are touched by email, MySpace, Flickr, instant messaging, among others. So what happens when you're crossed by a lover? You get dumped, or need to dump someone? Or the break-up has happened and you need to implement a necessary no-contact period?

The web 2.0 world makes it a lot harder than cutting their picture out of your photos and burning their letters in your backyard. New methods are needed to get the job done. Here is Bostonist's basic guide to breaking up in a web 2.0 world. Call it, simply, Break-up 2.0.

Mobile Phone:
-- Ignore phone calls. Don't return voicemails. Do not delete their number, set it to something like "no" or "hell no!" or better yet "fuck-head" in your phone – you won't pick up by mistake.

-- Renaming their entry in your phone book will help you avoid the drunk dial or drunk SMS – neither are as harmless as they seem.

-- Set the ring tone for their phonebook entry to silent. You won't even know they're calling.

-- Reassign their speed dial number to someone you actually want to talk to.

Email:
-- Stop returning emails.

-- Assign a filter so an email from their address skips the inbox and heads straight to archive in Gmail, or into a tucked-away file in Outlook. You might want to marvel at how crazy that was and laugh when you're a little past it in a few months. Straight to trash is always a good option, too.

Chatting:

-- Set yourself to invisible or stealth on IM. You don't want to lose touch with everyone, but you don't want that certain someone to know you're out there. GAIM has a plugin for this, as do most open source programs. You can always just block them from a chat, too.

Blog Presence:
-- Ban their IP addresses (don't forget their work computer) from commenting on your blog. Even better, let them keep commenting on your blog until they come up as the #1 Google result for "that psycho who blogstalks their ex."

-- Ban their IP addresses from viewing your blog. You can write nasty about them and hope they don't log in at the public library.

-- Remove their feed(s) from your aggregator.

Social Networking:

-- Set relationship status to "single" on all your social networking accounts.

-- Set your MySpace blog to "friends only."

-- Remove ex from your MySpace friends. Replace the ex in your top 8 with your more attractive, more intelligent, and single new crush. Bonus points for the newly "topped" friend who leaves semi-flirtatious messages in MySpace comments.

-- Delete comments or testimonials the ex has left you.

-- Remove them as a friend on Friendster – know their "friends of friends" network just dropped by 1/2 a mil.

-- For Facebook there are two alternatives. 1) Drop them altogether. 2) Keep them on as a contact. When they log in they can see that you're writing some wonderfully flirtatious messages back and forth and having heated wall-to-wall discussions with that more attractive, more intelligent, and single ex who's now in your top 8 on MySpace.

Imaging:

-- Remove any pictures of you and ex from MySpace, Friendster, and Facebook pics. Try and delete any photos that you're tagged in together on Facebook.

-- Remove ex as a "contact" on Flickr.

--Don't want to actually lose the memories and delete photographs, but don't want ex to feel like they've disappeared? Set your Flickr pictures with the ex in them to private. It might not be as gratifying as cutting them out of the pictures with scissors and Photoshop doesn't have that effect built in yet.

Be careful, friends. Breaking up in a web 2.0 world is hard to do.

Break-up 2.0 graphic by Christi Gorelli.