CSI: Boston Would Be a Comedy of Errors

Judging by the terrible conditions of the state medical examiner's office in the South End, CSI: Boston would be more like the Keystone Cops than a riveting nighttime drama.

It's amazing that the employees could solve any crime given the fact that bodies are piling up like cordwood. According to the Herald, a bunch of dead bodies jammed up in one place results in truly nauseating conditions such as "a half-dozen infants stored on shelves," "a technician who performed duties in a pool of blood and bodily fluids" because of a plumbing backup, "a constant stench of decomposition," and more. Read the whole article – but only after you've digested your latest meal.

Clearly, the office needs to be expanded. But whoever is in charge over there is fiddling while the bodies rot. How far does your head have to be buried in politics – or up your own butt – for you not to notice such disgusting conditions?

Employee Thomas Kelley is the hero of this story. We were reading the Herald piece, and it turns out that he was so disgusted with the conditions that he flung his badge at his supervisor. And then he got written up.

To the supervisors who allowed these conditions and then got huffy that an employee dared to stand up for himself – this isn’t Office Space. This isn't your pride we're talking about here. These are people's bodies and unsanitary conditions. It's an objective situation. If the place is unsanitary, then you should fix it.

The Globe's story was the same as the Herald's, except it went a little easier on the gore. But they emphasized that the entire system needs money. It's pretty clear that having a single office in Boston to store the bodies ain't cutting it. But why didn't they fix the drainage system and then get the money? Those kinds of problems are where you act immediately – you don't sit around to form a committee. Isn't that supposed to be Chief M.E. Mark A. Flomenbaum's job?

Of course, the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner had plenty of time to write a memo in response instead of fixing the conditions.

One of the conditions really struck us – the response to the fluid backup on the floor. The memo said, "Two new autopsy sinks are on order to meet the demands of increased autopsies. " They addressed the sink, but they did not mention why that mess stayed on the floor for two days, according to the Globe.

And what does "on order" mean? So when are they gonna get there? When that happened on Six Feet Under, and guts spilled out of the drain, the Fisher family fixed that mess toot sweet, if we recall. Yes, it's just a television show, but we were under the impression that blood and guts on the floor are bad and must be fixed immediately.

Seriously, before they give the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner any money, maybe they should jettison the supervisors and hire some people who can do their jobs and not leave their employees working in that kind of misery.

Image of Six Feet Under DVD cover from Amazon.