Boston Blotter: Ahoy, Matey!

--The BPD met a pirate!! Well, kinda. A drunk alleged aspiring pirate broke into a boat on Rowes Wharf. Swashbuckling police officers were more than ready for some watery adventure, so they hopped aboard, searched the boat, and discovered an "intoxicated" man whose drunkenness overwhelmed his pirate dreams. They found the guy sleeping underneath a table.

Best of all is the BPD's title for the event: "A-HOY THERE!!!"

--Bernard Piscopo's lawyer has offered up a defense of his client. Piscopo is the
man accused of stabbing Adam Rich eight times and killing him at The 6 House bar in South Boston. Yet the lawyer says that Piscopo could not have had the strength to stab Rich in such a brutal manner because Piscopo has multiple sclerosis. He's being held without bail.

--In a terrible accident, a man from Boston died yesterday while attempting to slide down a banister on a Norwegian Cruise Line ship that was in Bermuda. 22-year-old Richard Mulloy climbed on the banister and wound up falling four flights. The resulting injuries killed him.

--Wait - didn't something like this happen in Grindhouse? A man crashed his car on the Mass Turnpike on Wednesday night. That seems normal, but now police are saying that 64-year-old Harold Palmer from Springfield crashed his car to try to kill his female passenger.

--Gee, that was fast! A Nantucket jury swiftly convicted Thomas Toolan for the murder of his former girlfriend Elizabeth Lochtefeld. Toolan claimed that Lochtefeld's rejection of his marriage proposal pushed him over the edge.

--The women who stole Framingham State College newspapers because they thought they looked too fat in a front-page photo are going to pay for their vanity. The punishment is perfectly reasonable – they have to repay the college newspaper for its expenses when it reprinted the stolen copies.

Next time, ladies, if you think you have a gut, put on a shirt next time. No one told you that you had to walk around with your bellies exposed to the open air.

All charges alleged until proven under law.