When Manholes Attack

Update: Another manhole-related accident happened this morning in Brighton on Nonantum Road. Now the state is going to inspect manholes and storm grates. If you think you see a potential manhole attack, dial #321 on a mobile or 888-359-9595.

OK, manholes! We've had it with you! Go back to wherever it is you came from, and leave us alone! Really, it feels like manholes have been possessed and are rising from the earth to wreak havoc on the roadways.

A few days after a storm grate came loose and crashed through the windshield of Pawel Swierczynski, nearly killing him, a manhole cover came loose on I-93 in Milton Monday morning. No one got hurt, but the manhole got wedged up under a bus and tied up traffic.

A MassHighway spokesman told the Globe that L'Affaire Storm Grate and L'Affaire Manhole are "apples and oranges" because the other one is related to this weekend's hard rains. Okay. Tell that to a public that is already tiptoeing around manholes.

WCVB and WHDH also mentioned yet another manhole incident that happened early yesterday morning, in which two cars hit an open manhole. One went into the median, and the other got two flat tires. The two channels also offered their own alliterative perspectives on the manhole problem. WCVB called it a "Manhole Mishap." WHDH called it "Manhole Mayhem."

Another highway rep revealed the department's way with words when they're trying to calm the public. Luisa Paiewonsky, Commissioner of the Massachusetts Highway Department, told WHDH, "I think what happened Friday has everybody sensitized to this vision of flying metal objects. It is unprecedented in our collective institutional memory for a 250-pound object to fly through the air."

Well, yeah – and that’s precisely why drivers and news crews are jittery. No one wants a 250-pound object sailing at their car, and that's why we want these manholes tamed.

Image of a flooding manhole from mass.gov.