Modern Back-to-School Supplies: Bulletproof Backpacks

Forget the sharpened pencils, the fresh pink erasers, and the latest and greatest calculator. The kiddies are preparing for school in a whole new way – with bulletproof backpacks.

The Herald ran a story about two safety-conscious daddies from Danvers who invented a bulletproof backpack. The backpack is for sale online, and Mike Pelonzi, one of the dads, told the Herald today that "The response has been phenomenal."

How does it work? The backpack includes a "lightweight bulletproof plate" inside. The plate not only protects against bullets but also against knives and machetes. (Has a student tried to put a machete through a metal detector? How does a teacher or school guard miss a machete?)

Regarding whether or not fashion-conscious teens will actually wear said backpacks, the packs themselves look somewhat fashionable and don't scream, "I attend school in a war zone!" When we first visited the bulletproof-backpack site, we expected to see camouflage print, but the backpack designs look normal.

Bless Pelonzi and Curran for their enterprising spirit, but the bulletproof backpack seems like a fast 'n' easy solution to school violence, and it fires up the most basic fears of parents and students. It's like throwing up your hands and saying, "We give up! Our schools are violent cesspools! Let's just admit it!" Are the public schools – and people mean public schools here – actually that bad? Or do we believe they're that bad because of the constant bad news about them?

A bulletproof backpack also, sad to say, provides false hope. Plunking down $175 on one of these backpacks isn't going to keep Junior out of trouble. If a parent wants to keep Junior perfectly safe, then they may as well not let Junior leave the house.

And how is a bulletproof backpack going to stop kids from bringing guns to school? Does this absolve parents, school personnel, and school police of responsibility?

Last of all, Consumerist jokes, "Still no word on when brightly colored kids' tasers will hit the market, though." Don't worry, Consumerist, they're bound to hit schools before long.

Image of the bulletproof backpacks in question from mychildspack.com.