The Boston Globe assembled yet another online photo album that is custom-made for workers to peruse during lunch break. Only this time around, the Globe tackled a touchy subject - "What makes a true Bostonian?"
As opposed to what? A false one? And how long do you have to live here to get your credentials?
Not to pick on the Globe, but any kind of list such as this is going to have its problems, no matter who writes it. It will always wind up looking like a cobbled-together heap of clichés. But the Bostonist staff had enough issues with the list that we had to number them:
1. Where does this put all the university employees who might not be Boston lifers? What are you saying, "Come to Boston! We'll use yah skills, but yah not one of us!"
2. "Dunkin' Donuts and gas stations are valid navigational beacons." Even better is giving directions places that aren't there anymore! "Turn right, you'll see the shopping center where Zayre used to be" etc.
3. The picture of the cannoli in the top right makes us feel uncomfortable. Look at it. Then look away.
4. "A true Bostonian knows 'Sweet Caroline' is sung during the eighth inning." This one hits close to home, because a true Bostonian would know better than to yell "So good, so good" when the Sox are down 8-2 to the Orioles. Those people are groups from Northeastern and people from (god help us) Chelmsford.
5. One pick is flat-out wrong. Triple-O's is enshrined in collective Boston memory because Whitey Bulger used to hang out there, and the Globe includes a picture indicating that Triple-O's exists. But Triple-O's is now The Six House, where that ugly stabbing went down a few months ago. a) The Globe is actually aware of this. b) The person who suggested Triple-O's for the gallery must have been trying to punk the Globe.
6. "Your family has been here since 1632 and never left to go anywhere else!" Go ahead. Why don't you say to this city's residents, "Your family tree don't fork!"
7. They forgot Fluff. They forgot jimmies. They forgot Necco Wafers. They forgot Sky Bars. They forgot that they were going to get this kind of response to their list.
You wanna sniff out the "true" locals from the phonies? Here's a question: "What makes an ocean wave wave?" If you can't answer, watch and learn.
Michael Femia, C. Fernsebner, Jon Petitt, Caroline Roberts, Vidalia Shiraz, and Victoria Welch contributed to this post. Screengrab of the online gallery in question, which includes the disturbing cannoli.
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