Sports Redux: An Open Letter to Dane Cook

Dear Dane:

We know that you have a lot on your plate, what with wrapping up "Bachelor No. 2," recording all these MLB commercials and keeping college kids in a frenzy. So we here at Bostonist wanted to help out. You see, the commercials you've been offering us between innings are driving us mad - as is your hair. We thought that, given the busy day you must have today, we'd help out out a bit. Please find below already-written copy for tonight's batch of commercials. With this done, we've opened up some time for you to lay off the coffee, maybe get that dyed black hair back to normal. Go call Ken Paves. He'll hook you up.

All you need to do is read the copy below. No improv allowed. You'll see that we've tried to maintain your general delivery style, but we've tried to make it slightly more tolerable to all of us out there in the audience.

"This is what it's all about. This is what we've all been waiting for. This is what we've been hyping on FOX and TBS all post-season long. The World Series. The final showdown. The last chance for immortality on the diamond. The Colorado Rockies and my hometown team, the Boston Red Sox.

The Rockies: a team that won 21 out of its last 22 games and has commanded the attention of the entire country. Will Jeff Francis get things off to a strong start from the mound and test the fate and destiny I discussed all last week? Did the two months' rest Colorado faced between the NLCS and tonight cool the team's jets or is the team as fired up as they were when we last saw them? We find out tonight.

And then the Red Sox: the team that had it all all season long but found themselves down 3-1 before an epic rally in the ALCS. They have Beckett, the ace of an arm, on the mound tonight. The team is ready to set the tone of the Fall Classic. They have Ortiz. Manny. Papelbon. The recent reemergence of J.D. Drew. Jacoby Ellsbury ready to make his first World Series start. The fans of Fenway ready for battle. Hell, they even have Kevin Millar telling everyone to Cowboy Up once again. The one chink in the armor? The Tim Wakefield knuckleball will not flutter across home plate again this year.

Rockies fans are flying out to Boston. Boston fans have their plane tickets to Denver. The rest of the world is tuning in to see what happens. This is what it's all about. There is only one World Series! Go Sox!"

End there, Dane. Seriously. Leave out the October bit. We know there's only one. We've seen the fans lined up outside Fenway for days. We feel the excitement in the air.

We're simply loving the fact that it's here, it's now, and the biggest Game 1 of the bunch kicks off in Boston tonight.

We'll be watching, Dane. Make us proud. And GO SOX.

Sincerely,
Your Friends at Bostonist

p.s. If you would like to thank us by providing tickets to tonight's showdown, we won't say no. Think about it.

Photo by Flickr user Archman8