Organization is everything: Pick up a pill box and the drug store, and count out your Xanax, Ativan, or Valium ahead of time. Determine how many pills you will need for certain situation. Label one box of pills "EMERGENCY." Fill it. You can use that one when your cousin Rooster, who spent a few years in juvie, shows up at festivities looking for money, or when your uncle pats your butt and calls you "pleasingly plump."

Bring a "digestive": Do you have an overeater in your family who devours half the turkey and then grips the rest of the night about how stuffed he or she is? Or is that overeater you? Help out the family overeater by whipping out a "digestive beverage." A few years back, Shorty PJs recommended Jaeger for loosening up your guts. Bostonist is partial to Fernet-Branca, a beverage with a conversation-sparking bitterness that actually goes down easier than Mylanta.

Know how to treat spills: As you busily drink to numb yourself from family strife, remember that you get clumsier the more you booze. Impress your family by handling spills as they arise. For example, you can remedy a wine stain by rubbing salt into the stain. Then boil some water. Using a rubber band, stretch the fabric over a bowl, then pour the boiling water onto the stain. This really does work, but we don't recommend handling boiling water if you're too plowed.

Prepare for political disputes: The presidential elections are in full swing, and some troublemaker is sure to stir up strife by praising Rudy Giuliani or calling John Edwards a "Breck Boy." Your first move should be to bring up a political subject on which everyone can agree, such as Democratic candidate Dennis Kucinich's UFO sighting. Everyone can agree that's crazy, and they'll get distracted while wondering how he got a hot wife. If you have a member of the family who is so gung-ho for one party, arrive armed. Once that person gets going, start waving a book by Al Franken in their face and just see what happens. You'll at least get a good story out of it.

Screengrab from the instructional film "Dining Together" from the Prelinger Archives on the Internet Archive. A portion of this post previously appeared on the Daily Pepper.