Sports Redux: Carnage

We're not the biggest Japanese-movie-monster buffs in the world, but we honestly can't remember an entry in the series when the monster got to go home early because Tokyo didn't even make a token effort to defend itself.

But Ghidorah was sent to the bench early last night; the "Big Three" were no longer needed amid the Celtics' utter annihilation of the listless Knicks last night. It was a 23-point lead at halftime, and when the C's came out in the second half on the same blistering pace, Doc Rivers pulled the starters and let the bench mess around with the NY scrubs for a quarter and a half.

Final score: 104-59, and only a crazy Nate Robinson buzzer-beater kept the Knicks out of their own record book (lowest score ever) and the Celtics' as well (lowest score by an opponent).

As good as the Celtics looked (and they did, especially Rondo and Glen Davis), the story of the night was the Knick apathy. They all looked like they hated basketball, or maybe they hate coach Isiah Thomas (ding), or were openly auditioning to join the Washington Generals. Whether it was the sheer incompetence on the court, or the total and utter look of ennui on the bench, this team's picture is going next to the phrase "sad sack" in the dictionary.

The game was such a joke that even the ultra-competitive Kevin Garnett had seen his adrenaline flow stop by the time it was over. Held to eight points (his first single-digit outing in years) and resting for tonight's game with Miami, KG took the opportunity of the TNT postgame interview to beast reporter Craig Sager on his unfortunate wardrobe. Meanwhile, a NY fan in the crowd took the opportunity of national TV to rip off his Knicks jersey and hurl it towards the court.

The Bruins won their second straight in Florida. Zdeno Chara hit a couple of power play goals, and Glen Metropolit and Phil Kessel chipped in to make sure Tim Thomas had a cushion. Which they needed, because the B's' 4-1 lead became a 4-3 win very quickly. Marc Savard picked up an assist on one of the Chara scores, meaning he's gotten a point in eight straight games, a league high.

Rumors are hearing up about the Red Sox' involvement in the Johan Santana Derby. The package being kicked around yesterday involves Jon Lester, Coco Crisp, and two hot prospects - no Buchholz, no Ellsbury. It's all contingent on Santana being willing to sign a long-term deal. Nitwits on the radio, with nothing legitimate in town to complain about, are convinced that Josh Beckett will freak out if Santana makes more money than him, and it will mean doom for our fair city.

Boston represents on this week's Onion Sports page. There's a profile of Bill Belichick and a story about Kendrick Perkins thinking he's one of the Big Three. There's also a story about Isiah Thomas that may actually not be satire.

(Elise Amendola photo from AP, via ESPN.)