
With deep and heartfelt apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and all his descendents (read the whole thing after the jump):
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town
Not a sports fan in Boston was wearing a frown.
The banners were hung from the chimney to the door,
Lined up very caref'lly, with room for some more.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of playoff games danced in their heads.
Mama in her 'Tek shirt, I in my Celts cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
When from out on the lawn came a thunderous cheer,
Sound of rhythmic clapping and the scent of cheap beer.
I grabbed my red foam "Pats #1" hand,
And rushed out to join pilgrims from all o'er the land.
The moon, it shone down on the gathering crowd,
The chant "Let's go Red Sox" was lively and loud.
When, what did my wandering eyes happily see,
But a sleigh full of athletes had come to see me.
With a frumpy old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment twas Coach Belichick.
With Tito on his left, and the Doc on his right,
They charted a course through the cold winter's night.
"Now, Manny! Now, Brady! Now, Papi and Beckett!
On, Dice-K! On, Vrabel! On, Paul Pierce and Garnett!
To the top of the standings! To home-field throughout!
Now get back to work!" was Coach Bill's mighty shout.
I saw our opponents then, diving for shelter,
As the bandwagon sleigh flew in all helter-skelter.
The Coach's grey hoodie just flapped in the wind,
A ball fell from the sleigh, but Perk tipped it back in.
"We have presents for all", then said Kevin Garnett.
"Just please keep them away from Papelbon's pets."
Brady started throwing toys to all of the kids,
Even though only a handful were his.
Even some Bruins fans were there on the scene,
But vastly outnumbered by red, blue and Green.
As Coach Bill set up his cameras, I heard him speak,
"The reindeer had some real good practices this week."
No presents for Peyton, Isiah or Jeter,
Denial of others' fun makes yours all the sweeter.
Pedroia and Ellsbury arrived then as well,
With handfuls of coupons for free Taco Bell.
They tossed bags of presents from the sleigh, through the fog,
Randy Moss caught each one, while Curt Schilling blogged.
Folks lined up for presents from MVP Mike Lowell,
I noticed Dan Shaughnessy's fresh new lump of coal.
From the corner of my eye, I spied Francona's head,
His jaw full of chewing gum (least, that's what he said)
I gave him a sweater, said "Sure glad you came,
I think you're allowed to wear this during a game."
Coach Bill said, "We've been traveling all 'round the nation,
Leaving a wide trail of sports devastation.
We appreciate all your support and your cheers,
But Christmas is over, and we're focused on New Year's."
He sprang to his sleigh, followed soon by the stars,
With the crowd now dispersing and headed for the bars.
But he said, as I stood thinking on our good luck,
"Merry Christmas to all! And the Yankees still suck!"

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