--The media has become entranced by the image of a dude looking like a lady and robbing a bank in Somerset on Wednesday. There's really not much of a story here, except that the dude in question makes for one ugly woman. Apparently, Mrs. Doubtfire was hotter. [Boston Globe]

--A suspect turned himself in for the murder of Joseph Clarke, who was the first person killed in Boston this year. The suspect allegedly shot Clarke after Clarke wished his mother a happy birthday. [Boston Globe, BPD News]

--In Wareham, a 15-year-old teenager died this morning after she refused to pull over for police early this morning. According to WBZ, she "sped off, then lost control of the vehicle and went airborne." She had taken her parents' car without permission and may have been afraid to pull over. [WBZ]

--The restaurant Vlora, where a New Year's Eve party attracted the attention of the BPD, has been shut down for two weeks. You'll have to get your cold cabbage soup elsewhere. [Boston Globe]

--Some jerks have been tombstone-tipping in Hyannis. Police are looking for them, and Casper wants to have a word with them. You can bet he won't be a friendly ghost when he catches up with them. [WBZ]

--A massage parlor that offered something extra got shut down. The twist is that the parlor of ill repute was in Wellesley. [myFoxBoston]

Image from the Somerset PD. All charges alleged until proven under law.