A True Tale of the T: The Battle of T-Bag Ho vs. Gloating Goof with White Moustache

It's 8:30 am on a very crowded MBTA subway car.

Goof: Excuse me.
Ho: Hmph. (Ignores.)
Goof: I'd like to sit there.
Ho: Excuse me?
Goof: I'd like to sit there. (Pantomimes a lame threat to sit on the seat occupied by the ho's huge Louis Vuitton bag.)
Ho: Ex-cy-use me! (Dramatically moves the bag, exuding pure hatred.)
Goof: (From his seat, gloating) Welcome to the T!
Ho: Your bref stinks.
Ho: Hmph. 'Welcome to the T. ' Your bref stinks. Shoot.