Bostonist Fashion: Go Fug Yourself Q&A

What's new at Go Fug Yourself Headquarters? Can you tell us a little about Fug Madness?

JESSICA: That's the main news, and we're really having fun with it. Basically, we were inspired by the NCAA basketball tournament to set up a tournament of our own, in which the world's most fugly celebrities duke it out to determine who is the fugliest of them all. It's set up just like the NCAA tourney -- sixty-four celebrities in 4 brackets playing single elimination "games."

HEATHER: All credit to Jess -- she came up with the concept. Once we decided to do it for sure, we got together and made a list of celebs, then we tossed some out and added others, figured out who the clear No. 1 seeds should be, and kind of moved the pieces around the board after that to flesh out the field. It gave me new respect for the tournament seeding committee, though. I mean, we were sitting there stressing about how much higher Mary-Kate Olsen should be than Ashley, where Kelly Osbourne fit in -- we had her in like three other places before we settled on a ranking -- and we had to factor in stuff like the Oscars, and guys, who are harder to talk about because their clothes aren't as interesting to us. We're girls; we don't know menswear beyond knowing that we love a man in a tux or a nice suit. It's been awesome so far, though, with the play-in game today. Everyone seems totally game for a laugh and nobody's yelling at us because we forgot someone. I just said to Jess the other day, "Shoot, I completely forgot about Kim Kardashian. I guess she has a year to make us regret it." Jess said, "And I suspect she will." But really, I guess it's good for my sanity that I was able to forget about the existence of Kim Kardashian.

How was writing The Fug Awards different from writing for the site? Was it more or less difficult?

JESSICA: I think it was harder in a way, because there was more pressure. With the site, because we update regularly, if you write something you're not totally in love with, eventually it'll fall off the front page and there will be new material to take its place. But a book is a permanent record, and if you get to thinking about that too much, it can freak you out. I wouldn't say the book was hard to write -- it was fun to tackle the people we talk about regularly from a new angle -- but it was a bit more stressful.

HEATHER: In terms of the writing itself, it felt the same to me, except that we'd use the "we" instead of the "I" pronoun, which has carried over onto the site itself occasionally. I slip back into "we" really easily now. But yeah, in terms of worrying about the permanence, for me the big things are that I could edit myself over and over and over again if you let me, and the site doesn't really allow for that -- got to put it behind me and turn out something new -- but poring through the book's galleys made me want to throw out everything I wrote and redo it. Okay, maybe not THAT dramatically, but at times I clearly remember thinking to myself, "I wish I could have that one back." The other big fear was that somebody we talked about would clean up his or her act when it was too late for us to change approaches. Kevin Federline is a prime example. Originally he had his own chapter about how gross he is, and then all of a sudden he was staying home, looking out for the kids, and acting like the Father of the Year. We were able to address that on our first galley pass, thank God. But it really twisted our minds for a while, worrying about all the things that could change in the world once our precious book text could not. There was a lot of, "STAY ALIVE, BRITNEY."

Do you ever go into bookstores just to find your book and admire it on the shelf?

JESSICA: OF COURSE NOT! By which I mean, yes. I totally have to go look at it on the shelf if I'm in a bookstore. One of the Barnes and Noble near my house had it on an endcap under a sign reading, "HELPFUL, HUMOROUS, AND ODD," which cracked me up. I like to think of myself as being all three of those things.

HEATHER: Yep, me too -- I went to a Barnes and Noble to peek at it and couldn't remember where it was supposed to be. Then I recalled it being under "Humor" on Amazon, but the Humor rack was nowhere to be found, so I had to ask. The kid was like, "Are you looking for any particular book?" I replied, WAY too quickly, "NO, no, nothing, just browsing. Really." He thought I was nuts. But it's so cool seeing it in the store, I HAD to check it out. Who knows when I'll get this chance ever again, you know? And thanks to the mercy of the alphabet, we're right next to Stephen Colbert's book, which is a pretty stellar place to be. And probably as close to Colbert as I'll ever get.

Are there any plans for a national book tour? This summer, perhaps?

JESSICA: We don't have any grand plans in the works right now, but maybe we should rent an RV and hit the open road, bringing tales of Lindsay Lohan and her leggings to people all across the land.

HEATHER: I love that idea. We could take it into the fall and stop at college football stadiums on the weekends. We'd be like John Madden, but without the crazy. Or the pressure of a broadcast job. Or the Super Bowl ring. Or the jowls. But, other than that, exactly the same.

Is there ever a day when you're feeling uninspired, or does the sheer volume of Fug out there keep you righteously outraged at all times?

JESSICA: Oh gosh, I think anyone who has a daily writing commitment gets up some mornings and thinks, "I AM OUT OF WORDS." I definitely feel uninspired on some days. Luckily, I think it's easier to get going if your writing is responding to something out in the world, because at least we always have outside material to bounce off.

HEATHER: I have so many days, more than I can count, where I have stared at a photo and couldn't think of a thing to say about it. I recently did that with a Mischa Barton picture. All I could come up with was, "Wow, I hate that. She looks rough." Snore. So I didn't post it. But there are slow periods all the time, for sure. Our focus is pretty narrow compared to a lot of celebrity-driven blogs. People really think we hate EVERYTHING in the world, to which I always respond that if we did, you'd see us posting a lot more. I tend to feel like, if I'm not convinced of how I feel about something but I'm trying to fug it, people will be able to tell that I'm sweating it. The "Fug or Fab" feature helps with that a lot, because we can throw stuff up there and say, "Yeah, you know what, I can't make up my mind," and let the readers vote. That allows for more grey areas, which is great, because fashion is all about grey areas anyway.

In that vein, would you care to comment on Lindsay Lohan's possible line of leggings?

JESSICA: I have said this before, but I really mean it: I swear to God, I think this has to be part of that Ashton Kutcher show [Pop Fiction] where celebrities float fake stories in the media to prove some point or another. I mean, who thinks patterned leggings are seriously a good idea? It has to be a joke.

HEATHER: That would display some serious self-awareness on her part, so if it DOES turn out to be a joke, maybe there's hope for her after all. Otherwise, you can look forward to a series of aneurysms from us when they are delivered into this world.

Do you have any idea if George Clooney is aware that he is your muse-slash-cabana-boy, Intern George?

JESSICA: Oh my God, I would die were that ever to be confirmed. My theory is that someone in Clooney's employ has be aware of it -- his agent's second assistant or someone must be spending some time procrastinating on the internet in between getting yelled at, right? But I can't imagine Clooney has any time for blog-reading. He's very busy being suave on Lake Como.

HEATHER: I know, I wonder if we'd have been hit with a restraining order by now if he knew. You know, just in case. I can't imagine that he cares one way or the other what's on the Internet about him unless it has to do with his activism or charitable work, and even then, he's probably too rubber-skinned to care. Actually, I suspect he'd find it fairly amusing, and hopefully he wouldn't be offended at how he's characterized. He's so funny in normal life that it's hard to parody, so we went with the idea that he's this dashing, debonair lover-of-all. One reader once wrote to us that it was distressing for her because he LOOKS like Clooney but talks like Frasier Crane. I laughed and laughed, realized that's completely and accidentally true, and then commenced fervently hoping that Clooney is a big fan of Cheers.

When people at parties find out what you do for a living, do they ask you for advice or expect you to critique their outfits?

JESSICA: When I meet new people, I usually just say that I write a blog about celebrity fashion and leave it at that, on the theory that no one really wants to hear too much about your job OR your blog. But when I meet people who do know about the blog, they usually just want to talk about, like, Lindsay Lohan.

HEATHER: And then they say, "Oh my GOD, do I look awful?" People always fear that we're secretly judging them. But no. I swear. It says on our business cards, "We're much nicer in person. Promise," and although we put that on there because it made us laugh, we also like to think it's true. If it's not, don't tell me. Just keep up my delusions, please. They keep me warm at night.

Do you secretly fear that you're going to run into a celebrity you've fugged when you're at the Rite-Aid in your pajama pants and no make-up?

JESSICA: Well, the beauty of it is that they totally would not recognize me! But I absolutely have days where I go to the market in some godawful get-up and think, "I would so fug me right now." I went out to move my car for street-cleaning today in Uggs, cut-offs, and aviator sunglasses (and a shirt, obviously), and thought, "Oh my god, I am dressed like Britney."

HEATHER: Which is apt, because you can channel her so well in those Letters of Truth. Maybe you were channeling her today and, somewhere in L.A., she was wearing the EXACT SAME THING. I've got chills. They're multiplying.

Are you rooting for Britney to get it together, if only so you can get back to writing the brilliant Letters of Fug?

JESSICA: YES! Both because I feel like her downward spiral has been really sad and depressing in a serious way, and you hate to see that happen to anyone, and also because I really enjoyed writing about her (thank you for calling them "brilliant," by the way, you are too kind). I can't wait for her to pull it together for multiple reasons.

HEATHER: As a fan of Jessica's AND of Britney's, I am also hoping La Spears gets her act together. Chin up, girl. America WANTS you to succeed. Seriously, I can't think of a celeb that people have been MORE eager to see pull it together. When she dumped K-Fed it was like the entire nation had its arms open to embrace her lovingly, and when she went off the rails we were like, "Wuh? Where's our hug? COME BACK TO US." Whereas with Lindsay Lohan, as much as we personally love her -- and we do -- it was more like, "Oh, Lindsay. If you want to throw your talent away, well, FINE, then." So if Britney can hang in there I think she'll find that people are still really rooting her along.

Who, living, dead, or fictional, would you like to sit around in your kitchen and gossip with (rather than have to a dinner party, because that would be boring)?

JESSICA: Ooh, I love this question. I'd say Posh Spice, for sure -- you know she's secretly really funny. Ted Casablanca, so he can get drunk and reveal all his blind items. I think Nicole Richie would tell you all kinds of mean things about the people she knows, at least based on her very thinly-veiled work of "fiction," The Truth About Diamonds, in which she called Paris Hilton "functionally retarded." Amanda Woodward of Melrose Place, because she is my hero, and I'd like to see her and Nicole face off. I'm tempted to add Lost's Ben, because I have a LOT of questions about Lost, but he seems too creepy for such a fun social event. I'll slot Stephen Colbert in his seat, both to smarten up the joint, and because I love him. He can bring Jon Stewart as well.

HEATHER: This question is hard for me because I CANNOT make decisions. It's like asking me what my favorite movie is. You will get 25 answers and then I'll say, "Wait, hang on, I forgot some..." Let's see. I would also have put the Colbert/Stewart power package in there, but assuming they're over at Jessica's and traffic is too bad for me to join them, I'd easily swap in Conan O'Brien. I do LOVE me some Conesie. I'd offer Maddox Jolie-Pitt a seat, because I bet he's got some amusing things to say about his life at the ripe young age of six, and also, he'd totally tell me something about his parents that he's not supposed to, just because that's what kids that age do. Oh, Karl Lagerfeld would need to be there, for sure, and he'd better be wearing his fingerless glove. Tina Fey's on the list, too, because she's both insanely smart and funny AND she's no-holds-barred, I suspect. Queen Elizabeth I could pop up out of her tomb and join us for a cocktail so I can get the truth about her and Robert Dudley, among other things. And Laura Bennett from Project Runway is invited, so that she could help me be as fabulous as she is. Laura would help me go through my closet to find something to wear that would impress Karl and Good Queen Bess, or at least not nauseate them.