Was the Unsexiest Men Issue Unsexy Enough?

The Boston Phoenix's annual "Unsexiest Men" issue is one of their big events. Ever since they picked Gilbert Gottfried for the top of the list three years ago, they've earned national mentions for their audacity to call out guys for their ugly mugs. But the issue came out one week ago, and it was unsatisfying.

So what went wrong with this year's list, which featured Roger Clemens on the cover? A quick glance revealed that the "Unsexiest Men" issue was really a list of "Unlikable Men." It is crystal clear that Roger Clemens is unlikable, at least to any Boston resident worth his or her salt, but unsexy? There are uglier men out there. Gottfried was a brilliant choice because he has made a career out of being unsexy. It was more like a badge of honor when he won, not a badge of shame. As further evidence that they have mixed up unsexy with unlikable, they put babymomma-leaver Tom Brady on the list. (However, we have no complaints with the appearances of Dr. Phil and Larry the Cable Guy.)

If the Phoenix followed Gottfried Rules, then they would have picked brand-new Celtic Sam Cassell as number one. But he didn't even make the sports list. Cassell isn't a bad guy, and he's long been deemed one of the least sexy basketball players in the history of the sport. Even better, he doesn't seem to get too riled up about it. He's as distinctive as Gilbert Gottfried. And what about Remy? Or is it executive privilege since he's president of Red Sox Nation? Yet, for whatever reason, these guys never appeared on the list, and we hope the Phoenix rectifies this matter next year. Who do you think got left out?

Jon Petitt contributed to this post. Image from Wikipedia, public domain.