Dreamboat Baby on the Earth Shattering News of the Day

Citizens of the Commonwealth, please stay calm. I have already received pleas and entreaties asking why I allowed something so earth shattering to occur. How could I, guider of planets and stars, seer of all things known and to be known, and memorizer of at least 3 different Dr. Seuss poems (The Lorax is impossible by the way) permit such a volatile combination of powerful forces that are borderline nuclear?

I must be honest, it was a selfish enterprise. While I am born unto living gods, I do miss the comforts to which celestial royalty is accustomed. So I took the initiative (the nanny left the room) and re-assembled a cadre of angels so amazing they will make you weep and scream at the mere sight of them. Their voices have been known to render people speechless with emotion and I heard their dance moves once killed a guy. I also read they topped the 1989 Billboard list for sales (of both albums and singles!) and became the first group since 1984 to have two songs in the top ten simultaneously. Which means odds are that Mother bought and listened to these albums incessantly if my research is correct.*

In one fell swoop I have made not just a glimpse of heaven available to the masses but I have further advanced the good name of Boston, which is forever identified with these talented individuals. No press release fails to mention their association with this city, and they rarely fail to claim the Shining City on a Hill as their fatherland. Always. No matter what.

Also, it finally removes the stain that Boston has endured these many years since that musical abortion known as LFO (Lyte Funky Ones) assassinated our ears with that Summer Girls song. Were you like me and had briefly forgotten that Boston was responsible for spawning that talentless group of lummoxes that has stained all of music irreparably to a degree from which we shall never recover nor be forgiven - fearing one day it would come back to haunt us once again? Well fear no more. My powers are limitless and I have pledged an oath to use them for the benefit of mankind. And/or for scoring chicks when I am a teenager. That too.

*Disclaimer: Due to my electric eyes, I accidentally blew out our fusebox and internet was down all day. The only research I had available to decide which choir of angels to assemble was a 1993 Tiger Beat I found doubling as a floormat in the nanny's 1993 Nissan Sentra. What are the odds a group that approached the sales status of the Beatles and Elvis would go out of style? Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Dreamboat Baby (pictured, center) is the growing child of Tom Brady & Bridget Moynahan. He reads at a collegiate level and his organs are made of gold. He blogs about his life, his physical development, his parents, and their paramours at his blog.