It's funny that Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz's new film is called What Happens in Vegas. It implies the usual counterpart to that line, "...stays in Vegas," but sadly the film doesn't take its own advice. This movie should have stayed in the film reel, or in the writer's head, or in Ashton Kutcher's pants, or any other place it didn't have the opportunity to enter the collective American consciousness. If there's anything we don't need, it's another film about a Britney-esque marriage and the stupid decisions that come before and after it. This thing has gotta be dumber than K-Fed after a few cold ones, not to mention derivative of more crappy "love" story films than we can count.

Going head to head with What Happens in Vegas for dumbest movie out right now is Made of Honor. OMG, a guy as a maid of honor? ROFL(not-con)! How totally silly! And, get it, made and maid are homophones, and the guy is "made" out of honor because he's being true to his heart and expressing his love for his BFF! We're laughing all the way to the vomit bin, aka our $10 extra-large tub of popcorn. Dear Dr. McDreamy, why have you degenerated into Maid Not-at-all-Merry-an acting in what's basically My Best Friend is Wearing 27 Dresses at Her Wedding? Were you that jealous of Izzy's (non-)success in the nearly two-and-a-half dozen dresses? Our advice: don't be.

These movies may be disappointing, but at least we have Indiana Jones and Sex and the City coming up to make us smile. Locally, Coolidge Corner is showing what happens when you raise kids without TV: total chaos. There's also a dubious matricide to consider. The Gay and Lesbian Film Festival continues at the MFA, and the Brattle presents a ton of classic films for United Artists' 90th anniversary: The Birdman of Alcatraz and The Manchurian Candidate on Friday, followed by a Charlie Chaplin films, The Great Escape, and The Thomas Crown Affair on Saturday, and West Side Story and Marty on Sunday. That's a weekend packed with classic film fun!