June 13, 2008
Stuff White People Like: Breaking News Edition
Our previous commentary on stuff white people like has apparently inspired a double-whammy of news regarding even more stuff that white people like. Tim Russert, host of "Meet the Press," has died of a heart attack at age 58. White people certainly like their liberal newscasters, but Russert was particularly revered and influential. He will be missed by newsies of all types. The Times and CNN report more, and the Wikipedia page has already been updated.
Though it hasn't been "officially" noted, white people tend to have a strange obsession with R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet." They often recite lines like "she's allergic to cherries" (which may elicit thoughts of '80s nights favorites Warrant and Poison) and "there's a mystery going on." They have been known to attend public singalongs of the series. And, finally, they are always on top of news about R. Kelly, including his recent acquittal. Kelly's lawyer, Sam Adam Jr., released the singer from his "closet" of charges (which included approximately a zillion counts of videotaping sex with a minor) in part by treating a mole on Kelly's back as incontrovertible evidence that it was not the singer in the sex tapes used as evidence at trial. We bet Roman Polanski is totally pissed.



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"...and the Wikipedia page has already been updated."
This is true for almost anything.
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"White people certainly like their liberal newscasters, but Russert was particularly revered and influential."
Meanwhile, the gentle souls on "hillaryis44.org" immediately posted messages calling Russert a lying right-wing tool of the "big media machine" and a victim of "karma". Right, again with the "vast right wing conspiracy". (Former Chief of Staff to Mario Cuomo). You couldn't make up this stuff.