Image from Flickr user DJ Durutti

Boston is the greatest place in the country to spend Independence Day. It's the historical center of America, the place where it all happened, the site of the greatest fireworks, yar yar yar, blah blah blah. You're here; you know this. But is there anything you don't know about Independence Day in and around Boston? We're trying to find that out.

The Globe covers tired--'scuse us, "tried"--and true activities like beaches, grilling, and fireworks. All this week, we'll be suggesting several Independence Day alternatives: things to do other than sit in crowds at the Hatch Shell, pine for the days when you could stand on the Longfellow Bridge, and chow down at Chowderfest. It's not that these things aren't great, but everyone else will be doing them, too. Isn't it time we had a truly independent-minded Independence Day? Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Be Your Own Boat

The USS Constitution will not set sail this July 4, so you'll have to recreate its turnaround yourself. We do not recommend doing this with an actual boat unless you know what you're doing, but we do recommend dressing up as a boat for the big day. A little cardboard, a little spray paint, and you're all set. Wear your costume to the July 5 sunset parade, which will end at the real boat itself.

Wait Three Weeks

Celebrate Wikipedia's version of Independence Day on July 25. Marking 752 years of independence, this day is commemorated on Wikipedia with a striking page:

Subheadings include "Origins Of Colonial Discontent," "Some Famous Guys In Wigs And Three-Cornered Hats," and "Christmastime In Gettysburg." It also features detailed maps of the original colonies—including Narnia, the central ice deserts, and Westeros—as well as profiles of famous American historical figures such as Benjamin Franklin, Special Agent Jack Bauer, and Samuel Adams who is also a defensive tackle for the Cincinnati Bengals.

Sam Adams! That's our kind of Independence Day. Narnia, too. But it doesn't end there:

The special anniversary tribute refutes many myths about the period and American history. According to the entry, the American Revolution was in fact instigated by Chuck Norris, who incinerated the Stamp Act by looking at it, then roundhouse-kicked the entire British army into the Atlantic Ocean. A group of Massachusetts Minutemaids then unleashed the zombie-generating T-Virus on London, crippling the British economy and severely limiting its naval capabilities.

We can think of a politician or two we'd like to see roundhouse-kicked. Count us in for these July 25 celebrations.

Have a Dude Day

Nothing's more American than bowling; nor does anything provide greater evidence of Barack Obama's lack of patriotism (sarcasm is heavy in this sentence). So why not celebrate our independence by rolling a few patriotic games with your buddies (even Jesus, if you like)? Wear flag attire, and for bonus points, color your combinations of vodka, milk, and Kahlua with food coloring to create some red, white and blue American drinks.

Tune in tomorrow for more ridiculous but radical Independence Day Alternatives. Add your ideas in the comments or email us at tips at bostonist.com.