Bostonist Lobster Rollover: Stop & Shop

Stop & Shop
Malden and everywhere
$12.00/3 rolls

A few weeks ago, Bostonist's mom called to announce that the Red Tide was upon us. It was officially Lobster Roll Season.

"AND," she added, "did you know that Stop and Shop has fantastic lobster rolls? They make them right in the store out of real lobster meat. I just got a 3-pack and they're so good that I ate two of them at once. I'll save the other one for a snack tomorrow."

A seafood endorsement from our mom is as good as gold, so we rejoiced at the prospect of scooping a handy 3-pack of delicious, freshly-made lobster rolls for only $12.

That's lobster for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Bostonist is the sea queen!!

Drooling with anticipation, we picked up a pack at our mom's Stop & Shop (Malden Square).

The rolls looked yummy in the store, sporting discernable red chunks of claw and knuckle meat, mixed with mayonnaise and a little celery. Better yet, they were packed full and weighed a ton.

Turns out that our mom is on crack. These lobster rolls were bogus.

First -- it was on a potato roll! WTF?! We understand that a sturdy buns allow for longer shelf-life, but lobster salad on a raw potato roll is sacrilege. The bread's gummy texture and strong "yellow" flavor completely killed any lobster taste.

Which was a blessing in disguise. The lobster itself was nasty. The plump, crimson chunks that looked so tasty at the store were flavorless and spongy. If you jiggled the roll, the claw meat quivered whole.

Even worse, most of the sandwich was filled with a goopy mashup of no-name mayonnaise and mystery meat.The lobster was so finely flaked that it had the consistency of canned tuna salad.

Overall, the whole business tasted lobster liver in a raw roux.

Why would anyone do that to a perfectly good lobster?

Mayonnaise:

Amount of Lobster Meat:

Quality of Lobster Meat:

Butteriness of Roll: Zero: Stop & Shop sunk my Ironsides.

Overall Rating:

Image of Stop & Shop lobster rolls redacted for the weak of stomach.