Bostonist is introducing a new feature: Bostonian of the Week, in which we profile interesting figures seen around town. Know someone we should feature? Email tips at bostonist dot com.
Meet Dr. Esther: Boston psychologist, champion of single women, creator of the Dream Man t-shirt line. Author of Single and Celebrating, Dr. Esther sat down with Bostonist to discuss the Boston single life and the benefits of wearing your fantasy man on your chest.
Bostonist: What is the best thing about being single?
Dr. Esther: Freedom. Choices. Flexibility. Every day is an adventure and it’s a challenge to tune into your own feelings and wants and needs. What would I like my day to be today? I walk the walk and I talk the talk. I’m not divorced, I didn’t do it. I’m not against marriage. Let me say that right up front. I’m not against anything. If it makes you happy, knock yourself out. I’m against you feeling bad because you don’t have something that you think you’re supposed to have, but you really don’t want!
What’s your favorite thing to do for a night on the town in Boston?
That’s the good thing about being single. You have the mobility and the flexibility. Any bartender who is worth his or her weight in gold knows that they’re supposed to help you mingle with the people around you so that you’ll come back. I think there are some wonderful places for people to relax and meet each other with no commitment. And that is the point: when you’re finished talking you can walk away. You make decisions whether you want to see these people or not.
Is Single and Celebrating your first book?
Maybe my only book! I don’t know if I have another book in me. I started going to bookstores, and I saw there were books on how to meet a guy and how to dress for a guy… There was no book on just this: on being happy being single. So I started writing a book. No one wants to support, no one wants to put their money behind feeling OK being single.
What inspired the Dream Man clothing line?
It was an epiphany moment… I remember being in New York with somebody and thinking too bad we can’t have men that we can sleep with and just change them to fit our needs. And I thought, “Son of a gun! We can.” Part of this concept a long time ago was sleep shirts.
More with Dr. Esther's Dream Men after the jump!
Meet the Dream Men: Jack, Elliot, Jason, and Russell
How did you go about choosing these Dream Men?
I took in my head the endearing parts of every man that I ever met, that I ever thought about meeting, that I ever saw, and thought: I’ll guarantee these men. They’ll be men of my heart and I will guarantee that they won’t break yours because they are decent people who do the things you’ll want to do with them, who are kind. And there is a variety. I’ve started to amend some of them as more men have come into my life that I would like to honor. I also feel that people shouldn’t feel like they’re alone ever. You want some contact comfort? Use your head; use your fantasy. I’m going out with Jack now. And if I feel like going out with Russell tomorrow, I’ll go out with Russell. It depends on my mood. I’m a moody creature. And you know I want to have an entrepreneur and go to a gala event or I might want to walk in the park and there’s one man I have that does something I like. And so I did this so I could guarantee them. I wanted people to feel safe.
When you’re out on the town with one of your Dream Men, do you get a lot of reactions?
You know, they used to just look at my chest. ‘Cause it’s, you know, not bad. [laughs] And now they’re just looking at the picture! It’s weird! [laughs] But you know, they’re looking. I’m hoping eventually it will be so branded that you’ll be able to know that I’m with Jack. But right now you have to actually read the text on the back to know who Jack was. I’ve come out with four Dream Men. The fifth is actually waiting to launch, but I have many more. But I’m going slow because I want to see what the folks out there are looking for.
Do you have any tips for women in Boston on how to feel empowered being single?
Yes. When you go out, go out to have a good time. When you go out, don’t be observing. Be. When you go out, they’re staring, looking for the next prey; it’s not appealing to anyone to see you watching other people. It’s very appealing—whether you fall in love or make a friend or just have a wonderful time being with the people that you’re with—if you’re willing to be available for conversation. Posing is really quite not going to do it. Happy people are attractive.
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