Back in the day, saying “I go to Harvard” was enough to impress the masses, but in the internet age, having a big brain or a big wallet apparently isn’t enough. You also have to definitively prove that you possess genitalia, as exemplified by the exploits of Lena Chen and now Matthew DiPasquale and Diamond, Harvard's new "porn" “magazine.”

Bostonist is going to try really, really hard not to string together any words that can be pulled out of context and used as a positive endorsement of this sad venture, because that seems exactly like the kind of sketchy thing DiPasquale would enjoy doing.

The genesis for Diamond was apparently DiPasquale looking at H-Bomb and thinking, Hmm. This is too classy for me. How can I douche it up? Which led to him emailing his dorm’s mailing list looking for “sexy models” to pose in the buff. That didn’t work out so well for him. But was DiPasquale deterred? Unfortunately, no. He decided that in addition to his duties as editor-in-chief and only-person-to-think-this-was-a-good-idea, he’d also serve as Diamond’s first nude model!

Okay, whatever, we’re equal opportunity pervs; we have nothing against naked dudes. But the photography is so awful and amateurish that it’s about as sexy as a visit to your great-aunt. The full-frontal shots of DiPasquale make those camera-phone pics of Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz’s schlong look museum-quality. The magazine’s layout is creepily reminiscent of a church group news bulletin. And the articles are unforgivably out of date--The Dark Knight might do well? You don’t say.

So does Diamond have any reason to exist beyond giving a reach-around to DiPasquale’s ego? Not really, but the letters page does reveal that Diamond has at least one loyal reader: DiPasquale’s mom. Make your own Freud joke in the comments.

(Blessedly clothed photo of Matt DiPasquale from Diamond's website.)