IFFBoston Interview: Breaking Upwards

Bostonist: What inspired you to base your film on your then-present relationship and have it so intertwined with your present day experience?

Daryl Wein: I was inspired by my own relationship because I felt like we were doing something a little unconventional for people our age. I didn't know anyone at the time who was in any open relationship. Nor did I know much about what it was like. Going it through it was a crazy thing. I felt like the way we entered the open relationship was fairly unique. We were very clear with each other, it was actually kind of zany. Something about the way we communicated felt quirky to me like it could be the premise for a movie.

I remember sitting with Zoe at a restaurant joking about the rules, what we would tell each other, a scene that is really in the script. I felt like there were very few romantic comedies exploring issues of codependency in an interesting way, especially among my age group. Most of the films were about a "guy who meets a girl, and they fall in love... etc." I wanted to do something that was the opposite of that but held the same amount of weight. It was fun to try and make a painful period into an entertaining comedy of sorts. Yes, there is tons of drama, but it's approached from a relatively light perspective most of the time. That's the thing, you laugh when you're supposed to cry and visa-versa. It's a mixed bag of emotions.

Bostonist: I notice you've referenced Annie Hall as a precursor to your use of a current relationship and the art it's based on and the relationship between these two subjects. Did Annie Hall provide a "blueprint" (as it were) of inspiration in the way that it innovated the "relationship film?"

DW: I think I mentioned Woody Allen and Diane Keaton being in a relationship in another interview, and Woody writing about their relationship. In that sense, we did something similar. At least, I think Woody said somewhere that he drew on aspects of their relationship when writing Annie Hall.

But I wasn't trying to make the new Annie Hall. They are different stories. We are not a new couple. We are breaking apart. We also involve our parents who have
major roles. We are younger, too. I love Annie Hall, don't get me wrong, and I am flattered to ever be compared to it, but it was never a film we were trying to replicate. We definitely wanted to have a lot of dialogue, which is a staple in Woody Allen's canon, that is for sure, but unfortunately it is of less import in films chronicling twenty-somethings. It was important to focus on dialogue because communication is everything in a relationship. The way two young people over analyze things was of particular interest in this story.

Bostonist: In another interview about the film, you mention that too many relationship movies tread the same path. So what was it that made you want to make a relationship film in the first place?

DW: Yes, I was tired then, and I am still tired of the way my generation is portrayed on screen. Especially from the filmmakers my age who are supposedly representing us not only as artists but as subjects. Stop it! We are not all meandering, mumbling, aimless human beings who have mundane conversations.

I am interested in dialogue that is witty, intelligent and pushes a story forward. I want to be entertained when I go to the movies. I like structure. I like craftsmanship. I wanted to see a story that felt original, and explored more of the issues I was going through in my life. A couple who has been together for a while but is questioning their monogamy is something I think we all universally experience at one point or another.

Bostonist: I remember a passage in Steven King's memoir on writing where he talks about this massive desk he uses to write and how he used to have it in the center of the room it's in, where it took up the entire room. Then he decided to move it a corner of the room because "life is the center of art and not necessarily the other way around," or so my memory will dictate in this case. Was there any point in the writing, filming, and editing process that the lines between your real life experiences and those meant to be in the film blurred?

DW: Yes! I have such a complicated relationship to this movie! I don't even know what I'm feeling anymore. I'm so confused by what's real and not real and what's commenting on reality. It's all a blur to me. I have been with this project for so long, from the writing of it on and off for a year, to the making it for many months, to editing it for 500 hours or so - I just can't tell the difference between anything anymore.

When I look at myself on screen I don't know if I am an alien or a human. I can't remember if something in the movie happened in real life or it's just fictional and reminds me of something we really went through in the relationship.

Bostonist: Was any of the creative process helpful in dealing with the ups and downs of your relationship at the time?

DW: Zoe and I were fully back together when we started making the movie, so it didn't really affect anything in terms of us being in an open relationship. The process strengthened our ability to collaborate with one another, but it also put tremendous strain on us because it consumed our life. There would be moments where I couldn't stop talking about the film, all the way up until we were about to close our eyes before bed, and Zoe would have to say, "Shut up! We're not talking about it anymore." We shot in our house a lot which was difficult because we started to invade our personal space. But ultimately, it was cathartic for both of us.

Bostonist: I read one review who said he was moved to tears when I saw a screening of Breaking Upwards. Have you experienced a lot of people responding to the film this way? Has anyone approached you about how the film has related, or not related to their own experience?

DW: Yes, a lot of people cry at the end. We've had many people come up to us after the film. It's an incredibly universal topic for every age group. Women in their 50s have come up to us from the free love movement who underwent something similar. An elderly couple in their 80's said they related to it, and it made them remember when they were young. College kids come up to us and say they are in relationships similar and don't know what to do.

Overall, the audience reaction has been amazing. Some people like the original soundtrack the most. Some people like the parents. The way it was shot. This. That. Everyone says something different. Every reaction is good. If people are talking about it afterwards, that's all that matters.

Bostonist: How are things with you and Zoe now?

DW: We're great, thanks for asking! We're traveling to film festivals and just starting to write the next movie. Be a fan on Facebook! And watch our promos on our website.