Sports Redux: Ichirowned

"Two mysterious things happened in the universe today," said Seattle's Ichiro Suzuki after last night's game. Well, more than that, but who's counting?

Ichiro, never known for his power, hit two home runs, while David Ortiz, once upon a time known for his power, languished on the bench as the Mariners took a 5-4 win from the Sox in Seattle last night. The win went to Chris Jakubauskus, who was a shoe salesman a couple of years ago, and the loss went to Jon Lester, who isn't happy with his performance. "I bust my [fanny] every five days to go out and perform, and I'm not performing right now," he said, though he seemed madder at himself for not converting a potential rally-killing DP than for his pitching. 4-1 at the time, Franklin Gutierrez then hit a 2-run single, followed by Suzuki's second home run, which gave the Mariners the lead they never relinquished.

Sox discard David Aardsma picked up the save, while Rocco Baldelli went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts in the DH spot, so Ortiz' presence in the lineup wasn't missed at all. Josh Beckett will try to stop the losing streak tonight against former Orioles Garrett Olson. No word yet on whether Olson has any Foot Locker experience on his resume.

The Globe found no shortage of people willing to talk Ortiz out of his slump (slump seems a bit inaedequate a word, though, doesn't it?). The lobsterman's story about losing a tip of his finger and having to use a condom as a bandage sounds pretty bad, but at least he didn't leave the bases loaded while doing it.

Nervous yet about tomorrow night? There's already been one Game Seven heartbreaker at the Garden this week, but we can take a little comfort from the fact that Magic coach Patrick Ewing guaranteed a victory. Doc Rivers, who was Ewing's teammate back in the day, isn't worried: "I've been on those Knicks teams where he had some predictions." For every Joe Namath, there have been 100 guys who made predictions that nobody remembered the next day. (Don't worry, Freddie Mitchell, we still remember YOU.)