The Globe recently rehashed the tired question of what to do about a significant other who won't perform a certain sexual act (DTMFA if s/he won't compromise), adding the clever new twist of using "making grilled cheese" as a euphemism for said act. Hilarity resulted! Some of the commenters did a good job of going all the way with the euphemism, even suggesting baby steps toward tackling a big sandwich: "One thing you can do is start by making a Triscuit with a little melted cheese on top." Boy, that's making us hungry!
But here at Bostonist, we read the letter on a literal level, and began thinking about real food-related relationship dealbreakers. What if someone actually won't make you a grilled cheese sandwich, due to an odd aversion to dairy? What if someone refuses to eat macaroni and cheese, ever, at all? Or spaghetti and meatballs? How many food sacrifices can you make before it becomes too much?
Food is a central part of our lives, more so for some than others. It can be hard for a meat lover to date a vegan, or someone health-conscious to be with a junk food fiend. But some people go further than these preferences, inventing insane food-related rules that complicate living—and eating—with other people. Bostonist has compiled some of our (least) favorite food phobias from failed relationships. You can see 'em after the jump. Do you have any to add?
The Condiment-Phobe. Keep ketchup away from these people, and forget about mustard. This is a forgivable, if odd, eating preference that only really complicates relationships if your sauce-eschewing significant other starts tossing your condiments from the fridge, refuses to let you "relish" your hot dogs, or won't kiss you after you've dipped fries in mayo.
The Allergy. Okay, so this isn't anybody's fault. But multiple Bostonists have, strangely enough, struggled with dating celiacs, who can't eat wheat. It doesn't sound so bad until you consider they can't drink beer, which complicates the social lives of those of us whose social lives revolve (however sadly) around beer. For the most part, allergies just involve a lot of asking, and not a lot of oddness—unless you have to deal with the aftermath of eating something that's not allowed (eek!). But if you're just not that into someone, a complex allergy can cause you to hit the road faster than you might have otherwise.
The Boring. This person always wants to go to the same restaurant, always buys and cooks the same stuff, and never tries anything new. You can expect a similar kind of dull predictability in your relationship—nice if you like it, a yawn if you don't.
The Drink Dick. The Drink Dick is loopy about liquids. Whether it's a random rule about how many different fruits can be included in a juice (sometimes, not more than one), a total devotion to a particular type of alcoholic beverage ("I can't believe they don't have Coors Light!"), or an elitist refusal to drink any water but Evian, the Drink Dick makes imbibing frustrating, not fun. Extreme inflexibility on this front may point to an unwillingness to compromise in general, so tread carefully with these folks—unless you want to spend the rest of your life running to a different convenience store when one place is out of Evian.
The No-Touching Rule. Most of us got over this when we were four, but there are some individuals who still can't stand for their foods to touch one another. Separating peas and carrots, sauce on the side, no gravy please, god forbid the mashed potatoes touch the meat. It's not necessarily a dealbreaker, but it's often more effort than you want to put forth. This goes hand in hand with the "too many flavors" people, who resist enjoying the complexity of multiple ingredients working in harmony.
The Sender-Backer. This Bostonist can't stand these people. Unless you have an allergy or the restaurant really, really screwed up your order, there is rarely good reason to send food back. Usually the send-back results from feeling entitled to order anything you want, rather than anything on the menu, which points to an all-me attitude that can be tough to deal with, in restaurants or otherwise.
The Never-Have-I-Evers. These folks take strange pride in, for no good reason, never having eaten incredibly delicious foods. Pie, hamburger, squash, falafel—whatever it is, they're not having any, more out of stubborn desire to avoid a certain food for life than any confirmed aversion (y'know, since they've never actually tried the terrible food in question). It's an irrational attitude that can be annoying to deal with.
Finally, the Cereal Snob. This person never eats anything but cereal, thinks your favorite cereal is lame, and also believes crunchberries are real.
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