Fake Rockefeller Convicted

The Alleged Criminal Formerly Known as Clark Rockefeller was convicted today after 5 days of jury deliberations on the charge of custodial kidnapping and assault and battery. The ACFKCR was acquitted of of using a false name. Thus, while the question of whether the man is an evil mastermind or a total douche remains unsettled, the question put to the jury—whether or not ACFKCR was sane or not when he kidnapped his daughter has been. It now remains to be seen whether he will be sent to California for questioning in connection with a decades-old double murder.