Gettin' Douchey with Dane Cook on Conan O'Brien

Everybody's favorite just-not-that-funnyman Dane Cook was on Conan Wednesday night, and since we're days behind in everything, we only just watched the fabulous awkwardness that was Cook on Conan. Our buddy O'Brien was quite obviously disinterested in most of what Daney boy had to say, but he did his hostly best to accommodate Cook's inane stories about heading into the wrong dressing room and also having a stupid wife who doesn't understand that a "universal remote" doesn't work from anywhere in the world. Gee, it's so hilarious when women are dumb! it's even more hilarious when you've voluntarily committed yourself to one of the dumb ones!

Cook did give props to the Berkshires, but then told a lame tale about being "sexually assaulted by a ghost" in a Berkshires hotel. The story succeeded simultaneously in not being funny ("good touch and bad touch" stopped being hilarious four years ago) AND in insulting sexual assault victims. Being offensive isn't funny, being clever is. Maybe someday Cook will learn the difference. The word "poulterdiddle" didn't even get giggles.

At one point, it looked like Conan might be on the verge of giving Cook a compliment, but it wasn't for his comedy, it was for self-promotion. Which, we suppose, Dane Cook is pretty good at. If only he had something more amusing, and less offensive, to promote. It is, indeed, a vicious circle. At least Conan choked Cook at one point during the episode, but not for reasons you'd expect.