Improvisational Weaponry Blotter

Criminals - alleged, of course - will use anything as a weapon. A gun, a machete, or even common tools can be used to break society's rules. Examples:

• Machete - A married woman from Chicopee goes to Connecticut for a romantic camping trip with a man who is not her husband. They argue and she hits him in the head with a machete. She calls her husband to come get her, which he actually does. The husband assaulted the boyfriend when he arrived. Bostonist is already aware of the need for machete control and suggests you Google "machete" and read the resuts.

• Firearms - Police seized seven allegedly unlicensed firearms and 39 “edged weapons” from a Winchester home and arrested the apparently intoxicated resident after multiple reports of gunshots last weekend. He denied shooting any guns, despite gunshot holes in the ceiling, and failed to produce any firearm licenses. Police found five rifles, a shotgun and a pistol while the edged weapons included knives, a machete, a hand ax and a sword. The suspect faces 17 charges and a psychological evaluation as he was screaming about the Vietnam War and shouted he "wasn’t going down this way". Can Winchester still get in on that federal gun welfare program that brought over 1,000 surplus military-grade armaments to Massachusetts? They appear to have missed out so far, and seem to need it.

• Staple Gun - A Framingham resident allegedly assaulted a relative using a staple gun on Saturday. The relative accused the suspect of being a "pedophile," and a sex offender.

All charges alleged until proven under law.