Sports Redux: Let's Start With Some Good News

In 1991, Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra was told that his team had just traded Von Hayes to the Angels. "Great trade," said Dykstra. "Who did we get?" Well, the answer to the 2009 Red Sox version of that is Chris Duncan, the former Cardinals outfielder who now will be thought of, whatever happens, as the Lowe/Varitek to Julio Lugo's Heathcliff Slocumb. Lugo is going to St. Louis, which we like to think of as payback for the Cardinals' foisting Edgar Renteria on us (via free agency, admittedly) and starting the downward spiral of Fenway shortstopdom.

The Red Sox also acquired 1B Adam LaRoche from Pittsburgh. The numbers tell an interesting story: Duncan is hitting .227 on the season, while LaRoche has been hitting .109 since July 4th. They'll fit right in here.

Which leads us, inevitably, to having to talk about the product the Red Sox are putting on the field. A collection of noodlebats and ragarms that have delighted five nights' worth of Toronto Blue Jay and Texas Ranger fans, like last night, when they lost 3-1 in Arlington. That's nine runs in five games. Clay Buchholz got the loss, and could only give Terry Francona four innings against a Texas team decimated by flu-like symptoms (Bostonist salutes those who were able to play with that; we could barely lift the remote control). The bats, as they've been, were nearly silent; only a Nick Green HR prevented the shutout.

"“We were terrible this road trip. We stunk," said Dustin Pedroia. Yup. The good news is, the best tonic in the majors for a team in trouble is a visit from the Baltimore Orioles, who arrive at Fenway tomorrow. The bad news is, the Orioles just finished spreading their cheer in New York, allowing the Yankees to sweep them and do their part to change a 3-game Sox lead to a 2-game Yankee lead in about 45 minutes. You owe us, Baltimore.

Not that we're wistful: On Manny Ramirez bobblehead night in LA, the bobbleheaded man of the hour came in and hit a pinch-hit grand slam to lead the Dodgers to a 6-2 win over Cincinnati. If you just started following the Red Sox this week, you may be interested to know that "grand slam" is a baseball term meaning "a home run with three men on base" and it means your team scores four runs at once. Not over the course of four days; at once. And Manny Ramirez is a guy who....never mind.