Shirtless Runner Banned from Portsmouth

Do you like to run? Do you like to run shirtless? Do you like to run in the middle of the road? If you're Craig O'Brien, you like all of these things, and it's gotten you banned from Portsmouth, NH. O'Brien, an avid runner who does 8 miles most days and has been running for at least a decade, was recently banned from the streets of Portsmouth after several run-ins with police, cars, and pedestrians. Portsmouth cops allege that O'Brien has been a disruptive presence in town, running in the street, blocking traffic, and swearing at passersby—even, at times, calling them "sissy." O'Brien contends that the "communist" police are harassing him for no reason, and a Portsmouth resident credits him for always thoughtfully feeding a crippled goose in her yard. Whether he's a threaning jogger or goldhearted goose-feeder, one thing is for sure: O'Brien should be arrested for having an indecently awesome mustache.