Sports Redux: Thud

The only way yesterday could have been more shocking and more sudden? If Nicolas Cage, dressed in a bear suit, had come out and slugged Tom Brady on the way out of the tunnel (see this clip, at 1:19, for what that may have looked like). At least that would have had the blessing of being over in a second and letting us flip over to a satisfying Celtics win.

But instead, we watched for three hours as the 2009 season circled the drain. And, depending on who you ask, the entire franchise may have gone down with it. We're not Dan Shaughnessy, so we're not going to overreact. More on that later. What we do know is that the defense gave up an instant 83-yard touchdown run to Ray Rice, the offensive line didn't give Brady any time to set up a play, Brady was forced into a number of bad decisions, Randy Moss was as worthless as the running game, and the Pats looked completely listless and as if Baltimore's quick 14-0 lead was insurmountable. Which it is, if you're listless and inept.

And so it was 24-0 before the first quarter ended. We're not sure exactly when the Foxboro faithful started fleeing the building, but certainly enough of them stayed to boo the Pats off the field at halftime ("I'd have been booing us, too, the way we played," said Brady). Brady did manage two TD tosses to Julian Edelman to close it to 27-14, but Baltimore switched into conservative clock-eating mode, kept up their physical play, and the Patriots never seriously looked like they were going to make a game out of it.

Next. We promised some shots at Shaughnessy, and by God, we're going to deliver. Here's what we'd call Shank's Schizophrenia, except schizophrenia is a legitimate mental disorder and we don't want to insult its victims by comparing them to Shaughnessy:

• 12/30. "No one is allowed to say it, but we all know the Patriots are going to win Game 1 at home on Wild Card Weekend. The larger question is: Would you rather go to Indianapolis or San Diego for Round 2?"


• 1/5. "The Patriots losing a playoff game at home?...Nevermore."


• 1/7. "It’s Foxborough in January. Where Tom Brady and the Patriots are unbeatable."


• 1/10. "How dare we complain or take this for granted. "


• Today: "...even a pigheaded Patriots pigskin buff must acknowledge that the dynasty is over."

(Thanks, as always to the Dan Shaughnessy Watch for keeping all the links handy.) Are we lashing out at Dan because we frankly don't know where we'd start if we were charged with rebuilding this team? Well, sort of, but a reliable running game and making opposing QBs scramble once in a while would be a hell of a nice start.

If there's any bright news out of this, and you really have to look at the big picture to see any, it's that the hard-hitting, powerful, double-homicide style of the Ravens D will be going to Indy to provide a rude awakening for the Colts, who have been sipping mimosas since halftime of the Jets game. While the Jets will be going to San Diego, who never wins big games but at least hasn't slammed the brakes on. In the NFC, the amount of media gushing over Brett Favre has put us in the uncomfortable position of rooting for Dallas, and Arizona and New Orleans are possibly headed for an 85-81 game in their semifinal. 38 days till pitchers and catchers report.

Happily, the Celtics got off to almost as quick a start as the Ravens did, jumping on Toronto 10-0 and toying with them the rest of the way. Rasheed Wallace had his Celtic breakout game (29 points, and a backbreaking three every time the Raptors started to make a run), and Rajon Rondo got his sixth career triple-double with (22/10/13) in the 114-107 win. The C's come home tonight to get another shot at Atlanta, who's been a pain in their sides all season long.