The Onion Goes So Massachusetts

The Onion is totally into us lately! First, cats; now, Patriots and slacker roommates! The famed satirical publication has Tom Brady's take on fickle Pats fans: "There's no doubt we could have executed better, just like there's no doubt those 68,756 slavering fair-weather pieces of shit in the stands have less right than anyone else to point that out." The paper also covers a Boston resident whose roommate has a mysterious work schedule that involves sleeping during the day, making pasta in the middle of the night, and leaving the house at odd hours. "I think he said he works at this place where he makes these calls to people for these events," the interviewed Bostonian says of his roommate, but he's not quite sure. "Maybe he works at a place where they don't really monitor whether he shows up or not," he theorizes. "Or maybe he can work from home sometimes. Or maybe he's been working every day including weekends this entire time. Or maybe he's some lying weirdo."