Kells Closing

You may think it's a sign that God hasn't completely abandoned humanity to hear that Allston hellhole The Kells is closing to make way for the fourth Boston-area location of Tavern on the Square, but Bostonist knows better. Remember when Harvard dug that big hole in the ground that was supposed to become a new campus and Allston's rats relocated to, well, everywhere? Yeah, so where are all the dude-bros, meatheads, douchebags, brawlers, bimbos and tramps who hang out at the Kells going to go now? Batten down the hatches at your favorite watering hole, kids. It's going to be infested. Here's hoping the building's new owners have the good sense to disinfect every surface and check in the basement for any bodies of missing co-eds.