Sports Redux: If I Were Shortstop For Just One Day

Andy Warhol was misquoted! Turns out, what he meant was that in the future, everyone would be the Red Sox shortstop for 15 minutes. Or maybe he just meant Nomar Garciaparra, who will reportedly come to Fort Myers today for a press conference in which he'll sign a minor league deal, put on a Red Sox cap, retire and take a job with ESPN as an analyst. Or be packaged with Mike Lowell, we're not sure.

It's kind of a nice but meaningless gesture, an interesting end to a career that started with Nomar being the putative savior of the franchise - a fan favorite whose name rolled off the tongue in the thickest Revere accent, a man whose name could easily be sung to the tune of "Hava Nagila" (a fact Bostonist learned from the guys sitting behind us at a Sox/Sox game at Comiskey), a guy who sparked thousands of debates over whetha Nomah was betta than Jeta (he was, for a while). Then there was the injury, the trade rumors, the bitter feelings, and the trade that landed Doug Mientkiewicz, Orlando Cabrera and Dave Roberts. Which turned out to be one of the best deals the Sox ever made, even if it subjected us to several years of horrifyingly mediocre shortstopping. But now Nomar's coming home, and retiring as a Red Sox. Which means he's technically eligible to have his number retired (though those rules have fuzzified lately), and every time Marco Scutaro makes an error or hits into a DP all year, we'll wonder about the one that got away. Again.

Speaking of the Red Sox, while Dan Shaughnessy is in Fort Myers searching for ridiculous stories, we've got one here, as Jerry Remy's new restaurant is going to be selling "season passes", which cost $500 for the year and lets you breeze past lines and always have a table waiting for you (they can't guarantee that a peasant won't touch your cloak, though, that probably costs extra). If you think it's a cynical way to grab cash from the sizable portion of [shudder] Red Sox Nation that likes to throw money around to show how awesome they are at being fans, and that nobody has THAT high a money/sense ratio, you should know they've already sold 170 of them. You can also buy Destination Packages from the club, some of which include Yankees tickets bundled with a stay at a local fancy hotel and a gift bag, which if you're really lucky will include a lifesize statue of Dustin Pedroia. They start at $799.

All this is better than talking about our local teams' action last night. The Celtics sputtered through another fourth quarter, lost to Milwaukee, and Ray Allen is miffed that he got only three shots off. In Toronto, the Bruins got a point but are still mad about losing in OT to the Leafs. They didn't have Zdeno Chara on the ice last night, and may not have Marc Savard back for the season. But at least the NHL is finally motivated to maybe do something about the kind of hits that knocked Savard out.