Results tagged “dreamboatbaby”

Word that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen might have maybe married each other has reached the Dreamboat Baby, who, naturally had a contingency plan. He had forged a "One Ring."

As his teammates reel and (possibly) retire, and while the Red Sox rejoice, Tom Brady shops. Ah, the life of injured luxury. Jezebel commenters make astute observations about TB's appearance, including:

I know why you are here. You are wondering how this could be allowed to happen. In a world full of sustained conflict and suffering, when a hero is most needed, why is mankind denied the only one who knows the path to victory - the very path he forged himself? For once fellow citizens, I have no answers. This morning I do not feel like the pinnacle of man, the offspring of living gods, or the genetically perfect creation capable of miraculous healing and throwing footballs to the moon. No - this morning, like many of you, I woke up hoping it was a dream but all too quickly realized I had shit my pants yesterday. Mother knew something was wrong immediately when instead of the lavendar-scented golden treasures I usually leave in my silken diapers, I had instead crapped a pantload of Sacagawea dollars. I mean, you can't even give those things away.

Well, not really. But our boy Tommy did buy $11 million worth of dirt in Brentwood, according to TMZ. There's been speculation that he made the real estate deal in order to be closer to his dreamboat son, but maybe Gisele just wants better beach access. TMZ commenters say Gisele is into architecture, so maybe she'll play a role in designing the home. But can she play housewife as well as Bridget? We can't wait to find out.

She's gauzelicious! Everyone's favorite baby mama, Bridget Moynahan, dons a sexy red dress to play housewife for Harper's Bazaar. In the featured photo (hilarious caption: Got MILF?), she's whipping up a tasty treat while drying baby Jack's laundry in the kitchen. Is her house really so cramped that she needs a clothesline in the kitchen? We say Tom oughta pay up and get the lady some space--or at least a dryer--but maybe he blew all his bucks on the space-age high chair. The rest of the photo spread features gems like a creepy combo of lingerie and baby bottle, as well as high heels that no one would wear grocery shopping. Moynahan definitely looks like a different kind of mommy.

I must be honest, it was a selfish enterprise. While I am born unto living gods, I do miss the comforts to which celestial royalty is accustomed. So I took the initiative (the nanny left the room) and re-assembled a cadre of angels so amazing they will make you weep and scream at the mere sight of them. Their voices have been known to render people speechless with emotion and I heard their dance moves once killed a guy. I also read they topped the 1989 Billboard list for sales (of both albums and singles!) and became the first group since 1984 to have two songs in the top ten simultaneously. Which means odds are that Mother bought and listened to these albums incessantly if my research is correct.*

Dreamboat Baby (pictured, in utero) is the growing child of Tom Brady & Bridget Moynahan. He reads at a collegiate level and his organs are made of gold. He blogs about his life, his physical development, his parents, and their paramours at his blog.

Puzzled by a correction posted on our earlier report concerning a certain resident of New York City, his child, and his freakishly tiny lover, Bostonist tracked down the source. We have to admit: the Brady Baby probably knows what happened better than we do.